Essay 1 – The Nursing Crisis; The Solution Lies Within
The author of this proposal essay Michelle Mise Pollard does an extraordinary job in providing the information to support her arguments. She provides clear statistics to support her argument such as “The average age of a nurse is presently between 42–45 and by 2010 nearly 40% of the nursing workforce will be over the age of 50 and nearing retirement.” This gives the reader a concrete visual of how serious the issue really is. The use of her thesis statement at the very beginning of the proposal gives the reader an idea of what is to come as well as her choice of words indicates there is a sense of urgency needed for the issue. I have a suggestion to add for her thesis statement which would actually include the word “decline”. When I read the thesis “The nursing crisis, in our country, has reached such epidemic proportions that congressional testimony indicates a need for immediate action.” It doesn’t indicate what the crisis actually is and adding the word decline would make it a complete thesis statement. Her use of evidence does turn back to history or past events which give a good comparison to the evolution of the industry and an indicator that the issue can be overcome. When she initially offers her solution, she mentions that there is no tried and true solution to a problem that has been seen before by this profession. When I initially read this, I was put into a negative frame of mind and anything following this statement may not work or be a viable solution. Michelle also clearly indicates how this would impact the reader directly or its implication by providing the scope of her audience such as “anyone who is a provider or consumer of healthcare in this country.”
Essay 2 – An Open Letter to the Community
The letter from author Gibor Basri is full of passion and one that truly inspires students with a lot of articulate words that strongly represent examples of Pathos. One of these examples includes the statement “At Berkeley, we are passionate about the matters that shape our world; debate, free speech, and political activism are proudly defining characteristics of our campus.” His thesis statement is to the point and clearly indicated at the beginning of the letter “In order for all of us to thrive and succeed, our campus must be safe and welcoming, and disagreements need to be managed in a respectful and civil manner.” He includes expectations of the campus as well as benefits of following those expectations. By doing this right in the thesis I knew exactly what was to follow and the detriments of not following those expectations. His arguments on the issue include expectations of the campus and put ownership on the students to take responsibility for their actions versus talking down or giving orders. This gives one a sense of compassion and value. His solutions provide concrete examples of who will be involved, what will be involved, and how those actions will be carried out. Mr. Basri also describes the issue as requiring constant attention which indicates that this will be an ongoing solution, not just a one-time solution. The evidence is also clearly stated by proving examples of the dispute such as the graffiti and physical altercations and providing that they are never acceptable.
Essay 3 – Request for a Work Schedule Change
The authors of this proposal memo Amy Baskin and Heather Fawcett begin immediately in the memo by defining the request and providing an introduction of the employee which serves as the thesis of this memo. This sets the tone for the memo and ensures the reader John Doe understands the request fully while reading through the supporting information. The solution includes how it would work for her family indicating her daughter’s medical appointments and how it would impact her production by including the phrase “I believe that, with this earlier schedule, I would be able to improve my written output by at least a third. She also provides the “why” behind the consideration such as her length of employment, reliability, and self-discipline. This helps to anticipate any objections or dismiss any doubts for her request. By providing follow up information she organizes all of the information starting from the request, to the benefits, any objections, and ongoing concerns.
The essay that is most effective would be Essay 2 “An Open Letter to the Community” because of the word choice and strength of the thesis statement. Gibor Basri is very clear about the expectations of the University as well as provides concrete examples of how the issue will be combated. He appeals to the students by providing the detriments of their actions and ongoing plans to stop the issues from occurring again in the future.
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