I need to write a parody of Hamlet’s “to be or not to be” soliloquy and the discussion can…

I need to write a parody of Hamlet’s “to be or not to be” soliloquy and the discussion can be about any topic as long as it is appropriate to read it in class. It does not have to be written in Shakespearean English. Please do not copy and paste from another site since my teacher can find it. Thanks